Toilets and gerbils...

Yes, fortunately, these are two different stories! The kids have put *something* in their toilet - I'm not sure what, exactly, but it's not flushing, and the plunger isn't doing the trick. Either plunger, actually. I made an emergency run to Walmart this evening in the hopes of finding some sort of super-plunger that would do the trick. It helped, but not quite enough. At least it drains now. That's a step in the right direction.

While I was at Walmart Squiggy decided to figure out how to get out of his ball. He decided to wander over to sniff Tai. Tai made eye contact, and Squiggy knew he was in trouble. He ran for under the stove (what is it about rodents and stoves???) I'm not sure how long it took Tai to find him, but I do know that when I got home, Squiggy was grounded. Yes, he'd taken the gerbil and put him in a nice deep 5 gallon bucket!

Window shopping, buying, and even renting videos - all from my computer chair.

I love the new version of shopping that the Internet has brought into my life. I'm a SAHM in a one-car family. This means I don't have the opportunity to go out and window shop during the day while the boys are at school. But now I can do that from my computer chair. I can also buy a Mother's Day present for my mom, and look for a gift for my father's birthday (any suggestions???) - and have them shipped directly to their home. That's particularly convenient, considering I'm 850 miles from them. I may as well pay the shipping cost (sometimes, that's even free!) directly to the store rather than having to hope and pray Tai gets home early enough on a business day that I can make it to the post office to ship it off from here. Most recently, we've joined Netflix. I'm sure most of you know this is a way to rent DVDs - from your computer. All we have to do is go through thousands and thousands of available titles, and make a list of the ones we want. For a mere $20 or so a month, they'll send them to us on a continuing basis. We can have three out at a time, and as soon as they receive one back, they'll send us another. No late fees! (We routinely spend over $20/mo on late fees alone, anyway.) We'll see how this works out. My only bane is that it's DVDs only, and the kids don't have a DVD player in their room. Oh well. Life goes on.

Brand New Look

Check out my brand new look! Well, my blog's new look, anyway. All three pages!

A much needed good day...

Yesterday was a much needed good day with the kids. For some reason (spring fever?) they've been acting like little monsters lately. Poor Tai came home everyday last week to a stressed out me. I felt so bad for him! But yesterday, the kids all pretty much behaved. P only threw one big fit, and I think that was because he's starting to get sick. A got his homework done without hours and hours of arguing, and D got her room clean! Go kids! And they all ate enough of their dinner to have some of the yummy chocolate pecan pie that Tai brought home with him for dessert! Then it only took forty-five minutes of chasing them back to bed in order to get them to stay put. Not too bad, considering!

Tai and I have been going crosseyed lately over puzzles in the evenings (after the kids go to bed, of course!). We started over the weekend with a Thomas Kinkade puzzle, and we're thinking about finishing that up within the next couple of days. I'm using "we" rather liberally. I suck at puzzles. But I do enjoy spending the quality quiet time with Tai. We painstakingly went through website after website showing each other which puzzles we each liked, and decided upon the cottage/garden/water types. Our plan is to finish up several puzzles, glue them, frame them, and hang them on the walls. Our second puzzle arrived by UPS yesterday, so we'll be kept out of trouble for a while. ;o)

Incidentally, if you're into puzzles, or would like to be but have a difficult time storing them while you're working on them, Walmart sells a marvelous product. I just checked, and it doesn't look like they have it on their website. But for just under $10, you can get a velvety mat with a blow-up tube at the end. You do the puzzle on the mat, and when you're done for the day, you roll the tube down the mat, and tie it up when you get to the end. Like a sleeping bag. When you unroll it again, you'll find your puzzle just as you left it. You don't have to leave it out on the kitchen table anymore and hope that your kids don't steal pieces. Kinda nifty!

Picture day...

It's the dreaded (looked forward to?) Picture Day at school. This means an hour and a half long fight with the oldest to get him to wear something nice, and an hour and a half of primping for the kindergartener. Whew - I'm glad that's over.

Beyond that, I've spent my day chitchatting with friends online and making/helping D clean her room. She's on day five of cleaning and there's no end in sight. I finally told her that as soon as she was finished cleaning her room, she could eat lunch. Well, her usual lunch hour is an hour and a half ago, and she's still not done. I'm sure she'll get hungry enough to clean soon. I figure it's fair - I didn't tell her she couldn't have lunch. Just that she could have it when she finished her room. *sigh* It beats the heck out of stringing her up by her toes from the ceiling fan and beating her with a Louisville Slugger as she goes round, right? (No need to worry, Internet - we have neither a ceiling fan OR a baseball bat of any kind...it was a joke.)

Anyhow, that's what's going on around here.

I just don't talk about him enough...

I don't think I've said recently - or perhaps ever - just how much I absolutely adore my sweetheart. He's the most wonderful man I've ever known. Found a couple of pics that I thought I'd share:

First off, have I mentioned how adorable he is when he's sleeping?


Here he is outside in the middle of the night catching snow in his mouth - and eye. ;o)



And here he is just plain being cute.

Doesn't he do that innocent look well?

Have I mentioned what a terrific dad he is?

Picture time

If ya didn't know any better, you'd think we were one big happy family. ;o)

Saturday...

Well, it's Saturday. In keeping with tradition, the kids were mostly rotten all day. LOL We did manage to fit a trip to a national park in this afternoon. We took them to the little picnic area that has lots of open space and a water fountain so they could fill up their squirt guns. Wouldn't you know, they just weren't going to be happy no matter what we did. Oh well. We tried.

Wouldn't ya know?

Wouldn't you know that immediately after my rant about how stay-at-home moms are undervalued, etc, Google decides that "childcare" and "working moms" are now "related searches" to my page? LOL!

Nothing is where it is supposed to be!

Laundry baskets in the kids room, a hamper tossed on its side in the hall, an empty flower pot under the chair, napkins on the floor, the shoe bin stuck between the chair and the coffee table, bed pillows thrown in the hallway, cups tossed on the bathroom floor, blankets on the floor, the vacuum cleaner drug into the middle of the room and knocked over, clean (and formerly folded) laundry tossed about the room, rocks torn off of the box, flowers picked and tossed on the floor, entire rolls of toiletpaper tossed into the bathtub, corndog sticks under the table, kleenex boxes stomped on and thrown under the couch, fans knocked over, toilet paper strewn all over the floor, lamps knocked over, garbage cans knocked over, Pringles cans under the couch, bath towels completely soaked and laying on the floor, a cookie package under the bed, their brother's toothbrush thrown behind the toilet, toothpaste and soap squeezed all over the sink...the list goes on and on...and that's just from today!

P & D (especially P) simply don't play by the same rules as the other kids I've known. I don't know how to instill in them any respect for other people's belongings. When you're raised in an absolute disaster area for the first several years of your life, how are you supposed to learn what is expected? How are you supposed to understand that some things just aren't to be played with?

I don't know what to do about this, and it's driving me nuts. I have to stop and consider the way they lived before I go insane and ground them for the next eighty-three years. They lived in utter chaos - there wasn't even a garbage can to be found in their home. They routinely threw food and other garbage on the floor. There were a couple of plastic tubs for their toys to go in, but I never saw them used. They lived with a crumbling ceiling in their bedroom - and the crumbles on their floor. They simply don't know how to respect property, because they weren't shown when they were younger.

I try to pick my battles. I really do. A few missing laundry baskets are no big deal in the scheme of things. But when it takes me an hour to find all of the laundry baskets, hampers, and garbage cans because they've run off with them, it really ticks me off. The five of us are trying to live in just over a thousand square feet of apartment. If the everyday things are in their place, it's pretty darn tolerable. And that's even if the kids have a few toys strewn throughout the house. But when all of the everyday things are everywhere, there's simply nowhere to walk, and I'm getting sick of it.

Any ideas?

Ya try to be a good mom, and they just won't letcha do it...

It's a beautiful day. Not quite 90 degrees, breezy, sunny - just gorgeous. The kids came home from school (half-day Thursdays, ya know), and I decided that we should spend the afternoon outside. So we pack up a couple of balls, a frisbee, a pair of binoculars, and the boys' beyblades and head outside. Woohoo! A chance to wear the kids out, get some sun, and put everybody in a good mood, right?

Wrong! What I ended up with was a very whiney 3 year old. Ok fine. I'll put her down for a nap. This suggestion, of course, nearly caused a riot, because no matter how much a 3yo needs a nap, she'll never go down willingly. So she screams, yells, kicks her feet, and throws one heck of a fit, "I don't want to take a naaaaaaap! I'm not tired!!!!" This, as any mother knows, translates into, "Please make me take a nap. I'm exhausted and grumpy." Twenty minutes later, she is finally laying down. Thank God.

Meanwhile, the five year old decides that boundaries aren't his thing anymore. Who needs to stay where Mom tells him? Certainly not he! I got D down for her nap, then stepped onto the porch to check on the boys, and P was nowhere to be found. I had to step outside to find him. He wasn't far - just behind the building. But out of my sight, and thus, out of bounds. He had already been warned twice, and we run on a three strikes and you're out policy. Time for him to come in.

This, of course led to another near-riot. He threw one of his screaming-tantrums-turned-rages that are usually reserved for home. But this time, he was outside, screaming for all of the neighbors to hear. It sounded like someone was bludgeoning him with a baseball bat, while peeling off his toenails, and forcing him to eat liver & onions- all at the same time. Anybody who bothered to look would have noticed that no one was anywhere near touching him, but it wouldn't surprise me if several neighbors who didn't look decided to call the police or child protective services. During his fit, he chose to rip off his sandals and whip them at me with all of his strength, which only further increased his punishment. Now, instead of just being required to go inside, he would be grounded to his bed for a while. Telling him this, though, simply intensified the fit. I just love parenting.

It took him half an hour to calm down enough to talk with him about why he was required to come in, and why he was grounded to his bed. I think it has finally sunk in.

It's almost time for (fit number three?) me to call the oldest in to do his homework. Wish me luck.

SAHMs - warning, this may piss you off!

It happened again today. Someone looked at me in complete surprise when I said I was a stay-at-home mom. "You don't work?!"

How is one supposed to respond to that?! I work my butt off, thank you very much! I find it very sad that no one seems to value the raising of children and the keeping of a house anymore. Caring for three children, one of which is a special needs child, and keeping house for five people is certainly more work than any paying job I've ever held. But I don't say that to discount the work of stay-at-home parents of one child; they do plenty, too. People tend to be even more amazed when I tell them that staying at home is my choice. Why is this so surprising? I have to admit, though, that I don't understand couples who choose to have both parents working outside of the home when it isn't absolutely necessary.

For us, the finances alone make it nearly impossible for me to have an outside job even if that were my preference. The daycare and before & after school care costs would far exceed any salary I would make - more than likely by double. But even if I got some fabulous job making more than childcare costs, I still wouldn't even consider working outside the home unless our finances absolutely demanded it. Here is just a small sample of my reasons:

Values & Morals In today's society where cultural sensitivity is a must, daycares and other childcare services teach their staff that it is very important not to push their values & morals onto other people. In theory, this is a terrific idea. In practice, however, this means that the children in their care spend 8-14 hours a day, five days a week, in a value-limited environment. Children are much more likely to internalize values (or lack thereof) until they reach the age of six years. How many opportunities do the parents have to teach these things to their kids if they only see them a couple of hours a night?

Bonding and one-on-one The turnover rate for daycare teachers is astounding. It's been a while since I did any research on this (I did a huge research paper on daycares for a child welfare class), but the numbers were drastic. It takes something like four months for an infant to bond with a daycare provider, and the average length of time someone works for a daycare is something like six months. This means every few months, the child needs to learn to deal with a loss and attempt to bond with someone new. Also, the average amount of time that childcare providers for multiple children had to spend in quality one-on-one time with each child was something pathetic like one to two hours, total, per week. That simply isn't the case at home.

I understand that in today's society (at least in this country, and I'm certain in many others as well), it is very difficult to make it on one income. I certainly do not hold two-working-parent-households or single parents to blame if they must make an income to make ends meet. But it really irks me to see parents dropping their kids off at daycare while driving an $80,000 vehicle. Why do people have children if they don't intend to raise them? I don't understand the concept of paying other people to do my job. I just don't get it.

Sure, we don't drive an $80,000 car. We may even have to start saving our pennies now so that we can go to IL sometime during the summer. But you know what? We have a roof over our heads, we have food in our tummies, the kids have plenty of toys, books, and extras, we have a safe, running car, we have a bit set aside for retirement, we have clothes that fit, and we can even afford to go to the movies once a month if we want. Really, what is there outside of these things that we could possibly need?

Yes, I'm a stay-at-home mom, and I'm happy about it.

I am not implying that the people who work in daycare are harmful in any way to the children for whom they are responsible. There are a lot of awesome people who choose to work in childcare. It is the situation, not the providers, with which I have my complaints!

Wahoo!

Finally got those labs back. It's good news. Praise God!

Real Mother

We had another lovely encounter with Tai's ex-wife last night. Well, Tai did, anyway. I sat by and read the IM over his shoulder. Earlier in the week, she told us that her home phone was operational again, so we should use that number to reach her on Sundays when we call so the kids can speak with her. We tried that number on eight different occasions yesterday. No answer. She was very upset that we hadn't tried the cell phone number instead. Keep in mind, we had that 2nd phone number, but we did not realize it was a cell phone number. It was just the alternate we were supposed to use when the home phone was shut off. As far as we knew, it could have been a friend's phone that we were calling - maybe she sat around someone else's house on Sunday afternoons waiting for us to make the call. But it mattered not to her that we tried calling eight times. We were still the bad guys. There's just no winning.

She also complained that we were teaching her kids that I was their "real mother". We do no such thing, of course. But P told her last weekend, when he spoke to her, that I was his "real mom" and she was his "other mom." I would love to have a discussion with her face to face about the term "real mother". But I'm not that ballsy, and I'm not that stupid; there is no need to argue with the woman anymore. We have the kids, and they're safe. That is the only thing that matters. She just underestimates the intelligence and intuition of her kids. She is confusing "real" with "biological" - something that P has all figured out. P knows what a "real mother" is supposed to do, and how a "real mother" is supposed to behave. He has told me before that, "I grew in her belly, but you're my real mom." God I love this kid!

I'm very careful about not letting my feelings toward their biological mom come into play while I'm around the kids. They have no idea how angry I am with her for the way she has treated them. They have no idea how it makes me want to cry when I think about the conditions she was "raising" them in. It's important to me that they form their own opinions about her. It won't do anyone any good if I influence them in that regard - they'll just end up resenting me for it. But in my heart of hearts, I think I would be very glad if one day very soon, she wrapped her car around a tree.

One last thought. I looked up the word mother in the dictionary, and discovered a definition I hadn't seen before:

moth·er
n.
A stringy slime composed of yeast cells and bacteria that forms on the surface of fermenting liquids and is added to wine or cider to start the production of vinegar.

Maybe she is their "real mother" after all.

WAIT is a dirty 4 letter word

Looks like we're not going to get the results from Tai's labs until next week. Ugh. I don't like to wait. I'm not good at it. Oh well. Don't have much choice.

On a bright note, the boys brought home their report cards. Both did very well, so we took the kids to IHOP for dinner, sugared them up, then took them to the park to run it off. For a while, we thought we might have to leave before we even got our food, but the kids finally settled down. They had fun at the park. The first thing D did when she got there was give a total stranger (an adult woman) a kiss on the forehead. Suppose we're going to have some boundary issues to discuss? LOL D made some friends (the same woman's children), and the boys played ball with Tai and I. It was fun, and we're hopeful that it wore them out.

Gonna scream!

We're getting no cooperation whatsoever from the mental health professionals regarding P. How is one supposed to form a diagnosis on a child he sees for 45 minutes once a month? And how is one supposed to counsel the child or the parents in that same 45 minutes once a month? *sigh* I mean, honestly, do they think this is going to cut it? We've GOT to find a way to get P some REAL help. And soon.

Not again!

I had forgotten just what having a kindergartener can do to one's immune system. I'm sick - again. I have a cold or the flu. Probably the flu. I think I'm running a slight fever - just enough to make me miserable. Ugh! I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!

P has his second appointment today with his therapist. Yay! I'm hopeful that counseling will give this kid a great deal of help. Especially since it doesn't look like we'll be getting help on the biological front.

I don't think I wrote about our trip to the child psychiatrist. That was a big old flop. He basically looked at us like we were completely overreacting, because P behaved like a perfect angel at the appointment. Ugh! We were highly disappointed with this doctor for multiple reasons. The top was most definitely that he expected us to talk about P's biological mother while P was in the room listening. Yeah! Good doctor! Let's talk about the abuse and neglect that he had to live with for the first several years of his life while he's listening. That really pisses me off. Second was his lack of concern based simply on P's good behavior at his office. Who cares if he is suicidal at times at home? He was good at the doctor's office. *rolls eyes*

Anyway, that's what is going on here.

Disturbing news

So Tai went to the doctor yesterday. He brought home some potentially disturbing news. I'm waiting to panic until the lab results are back. Prayers and crossed fingers would be appreciated.

It must be Easter

I have three kids wandering/laying around moaning, "OoooOOooOoooohhhh, I have a tummy ache....."

Awesome kids

We have had some really awesome kids for the past full day. They have been behaving wonderfully! It's been really, really impressive. Yesterday, Tai and I got to take an hour long nap, and watch a long movie, mostly without interruption. We went to the playground and the kids did great there, too. Including getting in the car when it was time to go home! This is terrific! We sent our oldest downstairs last night to our neighbor's house, and brought their youngest up here to play with P. They all got along great. We got to sleep in this morning without kids banging on the door or yelling and screaming for attention. I had almost forgotten what it was like to wake up on my own - without the kids or the alarm clock doing it for me. LOL

I've been majorly impressed with P's language skills lately. His vocabulary is just growing by leaps and bounds lately. This past month in particular. He's using words like, "impressive" and "acceptable" - and he's using them correctly. This is the same kid who didn't speak until he was nearly three, then took almost a year off from speaking...so for him to suddenly use "big" words at age five is good stuff. We've also figured out a way to help him count - it used to be 1, 2, 3, 6, 7, 8...yet he could count 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28...sooooo I figured out it's a tempo thing. If we say, "and a 1, and a 2, and a 3, and a 4, and a 5, and a 6, and a 7, and an 8..." he gets them right every time! Woohoo!

D is becoming quite proficient in her shapes and colors. She's got nearly 15 shapes down, and almost as many colors. We keep adding new shapes and colors (most recently clover, octagon, peach, and teal) to her "homework" pages to keep her interested. Her attention span is amazing. She will sit and do "homework" for an hour at a time, without getting antsy or bored. She's THREE! That's not supposed to happen! LOL

A, of course got his straight A's for the quarter. We really should be studying for the SOL's (Standards of Learning tests), but he generally tests well, so we haven't thought about it too much. Shame on us. We have been working on his multiplication facts. He knows them, but he doesn't know them quickly. So we're using timed tests to help him improve. He started out with answering 40% correctly in two minutes. He's up to a consistent 80-90% now. We're using 20 problems in two minutes. Figure that's fair. The ones he answers, he gets right...it's just a matter of getting them finished that is the problem. He's getting there!

Ok, now that I have my computer and my apartment back, I'm probably rambling while I bask in the happiness. I'll stop for now. ;o)

I'm free!

Ok, so freedom has little to do with it, but I do have my home back. That's the important thing. Or maybe the important thing is that I didn't get into any fights with the NQMIL while she was here. Regardless, everything is gonna be ok, now. LOL They left about 5 o'clock this morning, so I woke up to a home that was my own again. Whew!

It's alive!

Tai is most definitely my hero, now. If I didn't already think he was absolutely fabulous, he would have suddenly become my favoritest person in the whole wide world last night. He made my computer work! He did it! He brought my baby back to life! Yay!

It's Thursday. This means tomorrow is Friday, and we all know what happens Friday: I get my apartment back. My NQMIL goes home, and my black shirts no longer get washed (and faded and shrunk) in hot water! My socks quit getting all stretched out because of the way they've been paired. The boys get their clothes put in their OWN drawers. And I don't have to feel guilty for letting the dishes sit for ten minutes while I step outside for a smoke. Life will be good. *grin*

Narrowing it down

After replacing the video card and the motherboard without success, I think we have it narrowed down to the power supply. This will be our next computer purchase. *sigh* I miss my computer! I really, really, really miss my computer.

Anyway, Tai is off with his mom and brother renting a car big enough for all of us to fit in. His brother will then take our car and head to a museum or two, and the rest of us will be heading to the National Zoo. This ought to be a pretty fun tirp. Tomorrow, we may head to the beach, but we're not sure.

All I can say is...Friday is coming soon. Thank God.

AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And that's all I'm saying.

So far, so good

The NQMIL and NQBIL arrived yesterday around 11:00 AM. So far, so good. No major blow ups. No major incidents. She seems pretty happy with how the kids are doing, and I think she slipped in a quasi-compliment to me by saying that for two years, Tai was sooooo incredibly unhappy. Logic would say that this thought was tied to the "Tai is happy now" thought that was unsaid...which says to me that she thinks I might have a bit to do with it. I dunno. Tai said that yes, it was a compliment. LOL Gotta love the strange communication style of this woman.

Anyway, Tai, his mom, P & D are all off visiting the National Cathedral. This afternoon, Tai, his mom, his brother, and A will probably be heading to the art museum. I'm planning on sticking around here because my stomach is killing me. Again. Still. Whatever. Plus, of course, the car will seat no more than five, so trying to take all 7 of us anywhere requires a rental...which I think we plan on getting for certain excursions this week...but not today.

Grumble, mumble, cuss...

I don't know if it is just the impending NQMIL visit or what, but everything has been on my every last nerve today. I'm most definitely grumpy. I bought a tee-shirt the other day that has a picture of Grumpy from the 7 Dwarves on it - it says, "I'm Grumpy. What's your excuse?" This is something I should have been wearing today, but it was in the laundry. =o(

Anyway, everything is done except the kitchen. Just need to wipe off and organize the countertops. Not too bad. Nothing different than I do most nights. They're due here in about 12 hours. I think that's sufficient time. If not, my kitchen is in much worse shape than I realized.

Anyhow, I have nothing really important to say. Just running away to computer land for a few minutes before I deal with more real life which seems to be pissing me off today.