Thursday, December 30, 2004

Oh the Horror!

This afternoon, Tai came home from work about 3:30 and suggested I take Alex to go see Lemony Snicket's a Series of Unfortunate Events. I've been sick, and getting out of the house sounded like a good idea. The next showing wasn't until 5:00, so I thought I'd take Alex to Walmart to take care of a couple of Christmas presents he needed to exchange first.

This is where I made my mistake: "Honey, if we're going to be gone that long, why don't you cook your fish tonight? That way, I won't have to smell it, and it'll be all good."

What the HELL was I thinking?

Now I'm sure most of you don't know my thing about fish. I think fish are absolutely disgusting. The sight of them makes me sick to my stomach. And I mean the sight of a goldfish, the sight of a nicely cooked fish-oriented meal, the sight of a bass some guy on TV just pulled out of a lake - all of it makes me ill. The SMELL of fish? That makes me vomit. Puke. Toss my cookies. Barf. I think fish are the creator's biggest fuck-up. Yuckkkkkkkk.

Sooooooo...I was out of the house for four hours. One would think that the smell of a little fish cooked for three people as soon as I left would have plenty of time to dissipate before I got home, right? Right?


I walked up the sidewalk and knew I was gonna lose it. I had, in my arms, a big box that contained Alex's new computer chair. I couldn't just drop it and run. Oh no. I had to take it all the way up to the porch, at least. That did me in.

Within minutes, I was back at the car puking my brains out. All over the grass, the parking lot...everywhere. Oh, and the headache that ensued! Aye aye aye. I told Tai if he ever made that kind of fish again in my house, I was going to forcefully remove certain parts of his anatomy. And then I left.

I went to the dollar store and picked up some things for the kids to use for a craft project, and then I went grocery shopping. Meanwhile, Tai had opened up damn near every window in the house, plus both doors. The ceiling fans were turned on, candles were lit...

I came home two and a half hours later, only to find...that damn fish smell. And it's even worse in my bedroom. There is no way in hell I'll be able to sleep in my bed tonight. And I'm so exhausted. Right now, I'm hiding out in the basement, where the smell is least strong...but it's still plenty stinky enough for me to have bile just sitting in the back of my throat waiting for me to move wrong. I'm going to cry.