Tuesday, January 18, 2005

I just heard the door close

Ya know what that means? It means they're leaving. It means the crazy mother-in-law is outta here! Woohoo! Technically, her plane doesn't leave until 5:00 this evening, but she and my husband are gonna hit some museums or some such in DC throughout the day before she flies home. Which means they've left here, and hubby will be home this evening...by himself...without her. What a shame.

On the downside, I woke up this morning with the stomach flu. Whoa boy is my tummy not at all happy. I think everything I've ever eaten in my entire life is all sitting "right here," and it's not gonna stay for long. Erg.

Anyhow, sometime this past week, I said I'd blog about my history with the MIL. Let me give you just a few highlights:
  • When I was 18, she convinced my parents I'd been arrested for statuatory rape. (Victim unknown, as Tai is older than me.)
  • She tried to convince me that Tai was cheating on me when we were engaged the first time. She claimed the other woman bought his plane tickets home & back (during military training)...and then I went to the airport with him to buy his plane ticket with his mother's credit card.
  • She bought me a Barbie coloring book and crayons for my 20th birthday (didn't even send a card with it) - while I was married to her son.
  • She absolutely refused to TOUCH Alex until he'd been baptised...because my newborn son was unclean.
  • She did not visit, call, send a birthday present, send a Christmas card, or send a letter to Alex for 7 1/2 years after his father (my husband/her son) and I got divorced. There was no recognition whatsoever from her that she had a grandchild.
  • She started rumors that Alex was being physically abused by either me or his then-soon-to-be-step-father.
  • She gave Alex garbage for his birthday this year (see a few posts back).
  • Most recently, she told my children that I was a smelly teenager who bragged about my clothes always being dirty. Let me tell you, as an adult, I look back and wonder how the hell my mother always had the laundry washed, dried, folded, and put away every week like clockwork. And I was entirely too vain to go out of my house smelly - I wouldn't leave unless my clothes were clean, my shirt was tucked in, my hair was done, and I had makeup on, nonetheless!
That's a small smattering of what she's done. I could also tell you about a few of her personality traits. When I say this woman is crazy, I really mean it. She talks incessantly. More than my four-year-old. Maybe more than my four-year-old and six-year-old combined. She simply says whatever comes to mind at the time, and insists it's the gospel truth. For example, she says she has worked for the state police (several states), the FBI, every single place I've ever worked in my life, and any business I bring up in conversation. Out of the blue one evening last year, she told us all about the five brothers she lost in the school fire in Chicago. Problem is, she didn't have five brothers (she has one, and he's living as far as I know), the list of fatalities for the fire doesn't include anyone with a last name even close to her maiden name, and it only had one or two students that had been brother and sister, and the list of survivors didn't include anyone with a name close to her maiden name. So I guess that was out. Let's see...she's also saved ten children (or so, I don't remember the story exactly), from a rampaging elephant in a school gym. Many kids were killed, according to her. (I've got approximate dates and a location - I can't find anything at all online about it. I suppose that isn't proof that it didn't happen, though.) She knows everything about everything, and she will share it. It doesn't matter if she has no clue, or if she doesn't know the people involved, or if she doesn't know the story. She knows it! And she'll share it! She will say whatever she thinks will make a person believe whatever she just said. If you question her, she will come up with something, anything, that makes her think you believe her. And she will stick to her original story, even if the "supporting" statements she gives afterwards are the complete opposite of what she had been trying to convince you of. It's amazing, this woman's ability to lie and lie and lie and befuddle and confuse people. And just think...she's a school teacher!