A strange kind of non-anniversaryIf Tai and I had never been divorced, today would be our 10th anniversary. This leaves me feeling a little...odd. I love him so much now - and really, I think I always have, but this is a different kind of love -that I wish I could go back in time and spend those last 8 years together that we missed out on. But still, I know, if we hadn't divorced, neither of us would be the person we are today. If we hadn't divorced, neither of us could appreciate the people we've become. If we hadn't divorced, we wouldn't have the two younger kids. We both had a lot of growing up we needed to do before we were ready to be/have/raise a family.
But I can't help but wonder - if we hadn't divorced, would we have gone on to have other kids? Where would we be now? Would we own a home? Would he still be in the Marine Corps? He probably would have been promoted higher by now, because he'd still be in his old MOS... There are lots and lots of "What ifs" and "What woulds" and "Where woulds" going on in my head today.
I haven't told the Internet World that a little over a month ago, I proposed to him. He said yes, and we're hoping to be married shortly after we buy a house, which will be, with any luck, later this summer or early fall at the latest.
I'm feeling a bit like a serial bride. I don't know if that's a term, but I'll use it for now. I've been married twice before, so this will be number three. Somehow, I knew that the first two marriages just wouldn't work. This time, though? It's not only going to work, it's going to work well. I have no doubts. I love him with all of my heart, and it is a love born out of a union of respect and faith...not just passion and childlike adoration. I am in love with the person that he is, not the person that I hope he will become. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with him, and walking down the street at age 90 holding his hand. I know that as we both grow as people, we will be beside each other each step of the way, and never will I wake up in bed with a man that may as well be a stranger, and never will he look at me and wonder who I am and what I've become. We are dedicated to each other and to keeping our communication lines open and honest. No, I have no doubts this time.
On a slightly different note: does anyone have any suggestions for a wedding ceremony and vows? We've each done the church and the courthouse thing...and I'm looking for something a little more appropriate to our situation. Any ideas?