Time for an update on my public blogSoooo...at the very end of January, I asked Tai for a divorce. On the first of February, I moved out.
He's a terrific guy. He's witty and intelligent. He's a good father and husband. But there was a combination of two major factors that just wouldn't allow the marriage to work.
First, we had very, very little in common. Sure, the house and kids, but nothing outside of responsibilities to talk about. We couldn't watch the same tv shows together without one of us wanting to snooze. Second, the one thing we DO have in common doesn't particularly bode well for a marriage. We both like women.
Yeah. Did I mention that, at the ripe old age of 34, I've finally come to realize I'm gay? One would think I could have figured it out 20 years ago, but no. I've got to do it the hard way. It's much harder on Tai than me, unfortunately. If there was any way I could have told him and left him without hurting him, believe me, I would have.
It kills me that I have hurt him so deeply. But to continue to stay would have been cruel to him. He deserves to find a woman who can devote her WHOLE self to him. Right now, he feels as though I've been using him for years, and that I've never loved him. That couldn't be further from the truth. I will love him until the day I die - just not necessarily in a romantic sense. I hope that someday he will be able to move past the hurt and the anger to see that I truly do love him, and I want him to be a big part of my life. Do I expect it to happen? No. But I hope with all my heart that it does.