I resign.To Whom it may Concern:
I hereby resign my position of Mommy. Also my positions of Mama, Mom, Mother, Mama-mama-mama-mama-mama-mama, Mooooommmmmmmmmm, Mooooommmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyy, and any other positions that I currently hold that begin with the letter M followed by a short "o" sound.
I apologize for the suddenness of my resignation, but events have conspired that preclude me from giving the customary two weeks notice. Namely, the attempt of the six-year-old to set the house on fire by using the microwave unsupervised, the smearing of the chocolate syrup on the white carpet by both the four-year-old and the six-year-old, and the unauthorized dolling out of chocolate cookies. All before 8:00 AM. If I were to remain in this position any longer, I am certain I would kill the children in question.
I hope you are able to fill this position quickly.